Apron Aphorisms

This collection of adages is from sources too numerous to name.  But many thanks to all contributors- friends, family, cocktail napkins, aprons and even an obituary.  The first little maxim was found on an apron in a local shop that specializes in clever and sometimes racy merchandise.  Apron Aphorisms seems an apt name.  They're a lighthearted garnish to some heavier entrees.  Enjoy them. Essential truths are easier to swallow with a dose of wit and humor.                                    

 A Generous Baker's Dozen

*Pretending to be normal day to day is exhausting.

*The trouble with trouble is that it starts out as fun.

*Money well spent is still money spent. Killjoy!

*The downside of knowing about current affairs is they tend not to stay current.

*When all is said and done… more is said than done.

*Most passport pictures are good likenesses, and it’s time we faced it.

*If at first you don’t succeed… do it like your mother told you.

*One of these days… OK, I mean never.

*The only difference in a rut and a grave is depth.

*You can’t have everything.  Where would you put it?

*When “It goes without saying…”  Don’t say it.

*Does running late count as exercise?

*When duty and pleasure collide, let duty slide.

*Who is this Moderation we're supposed to be drinking with?

*I’m only here to establish an alibi.

One final truth, with proper attribution. "I'm sorry." I say.  In response,  my grandmother, Dorothy Arrington (who enjoyed the company of Moderation) "No need to be so damn sorry." Good advice. Thanks Granny!

Life, Well Edited

“Eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”   Hans Hofmann

Editing has a bad reputation- undeserved in my book.  It conjures up fussy schoolmarms, publishing house curmudgeons, and bored students.  So I’m taking a stab at image consultancy for editing, admittedly with few credentials.  A genuine interest in all sorts of editing will have to suffice.

Grammar rules that previous generations were taught (and sometimes remember) have fallen victim to changing styles. You would have done well to short the stock of Oxford commas, orphaned prepositions and paragraph indentations.  These are the literary equivalents of the pickle fork, the formal RSVP, and the proper introduction- all going the way of the dodo bird. Precise punctuation and coherent construction of something worth saying don’t much matter in an email, text, or tweet. Saving time and limiting characters are today’s misguided motivators.  

Grammatical editing may seem a strange hook, but care and attention to your words can be a gateway to care and attention to your material things.  Think about the rules of English composition and edit your life as if it were an essay.  Remember your most demanding English teacher- the one who loved the red pencil? Endeavor to please her.  

The same concepts that apply to good writing can be used in best nesting.  What is your topic?  What themes will you explore?  Will coherent parts be clearly introduced, then supported by interesting and well-chosen details?  Will you let go of something you thought relevant to the whole when you realize it isn’t?  Will you polish your work, even if that means a third or fourth go, taking the time and care that a pleasing finished product demands?

From John Irving, “If you presume to love something, you must love the process of it much more than you love the finished product.”   Of course, he’s talking about writing.  But don’t be limited.  Well-chosen themes, attention to detail, and careful editing make lovely stories and lovely homes. In nesting, I challenge Irving's assertion that process trumps product.  Loving your creation as much as you loved creating it is fine in my book!  When you edit your material life as you would an essay, things fall into place. Subjects and verbs are agreeable.  Modifiers don’t dangle. Voice is clear. Detritus goes.  Treasures stay.  Order prevails.  

Lovely homes are built on the ironic notion that less is frequently more.  It’s ironic because this seems deliberately contrary to what one might expect.  If our nests are filled with more stuff than we use and enjoy, less should be a huge relief.  Why is our disgust with clutter an invitation to buy matching containers and tags for organizing our flotsam when it really should be jettisoned?  More things, as the cure for too many things could be the poster child for irony.  Sometimes irony brings along humor to lighten things up, but this time, she’s traveling solo.  Send her on her merry-less way!

 In a nutshell, will you do as Hans Hofmann says?  He was talking about art, but it’s excellent advice for the nest as well.

Predictably Irrational?

The ancient Egyptians were fans of the sarcophagus. They entombed their dead in these stone coffins after properly preserving the corpses.  No expense was spared and the rituals associated with embalming, entombing and enshrining were sacred.  

The box pictured above is a sort of weird, modern-day sarcophagus.   The not-so-elegant box enshrines a young woman’s debutante gown. Debuting, in the South, is a time-honored family tradition. Like most traditions, there is plenty to love and bits to wish gone. Some would decry this as foolish folderol at its best and antiquated and demeaning at its worst.  I’m not taking sides in any debutante debate.  It’s the deb dress, not the belle or the ball that’s the protagonist of this story.

The dress was chosen with an appropriate amount of fretting.  It was (and is) a beautiful, peau de soie dress- ballgowny without a hit of Cinderella.   It was worn one evening. Then it visited New York to be cleaned and preserved. I was never quite sure what that meant but everyone said it was important.  Maybe everyone was the company doing the preserving.  At any rate, a while later, the gown made its return trip to Charlotte.   It arrived in a cardboard sarcophagus.  Acid-free no doubt.  Since the wearer of the dress didn’t want to spend any time in that box, the preserver had thoughtfully put a cardboard female torso inside the dress as a stand-in. The box went on the top shelf of a closet, per instructions. You know I love rules and I wasn’t about to break the warning to never store the special dress in an attic, basement or any space that was not climate controlled and free of pests. 

You’re probably thinking, crazy, but the irrational part of this story is yet to come.

In Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely exposes the myth of the ‘economic man’ being a rational self-maximizer.  He offers solid evidence showing that we’re not so rational after all. When the hard science of economics collides with the soft science of behavioral psychology, the mashup makes for irrationality. Not just random irrationality but predictable irrationality. 

I’d intellectually embraced this concept.  I even had an elevator speech to answer peoples’ quizzical looks.  “We’re made sadder by the letting go of something than we were made glad by the acquiring of it. Losing feels worse than winning feels good.”   But it took a deb dress to test me and make this real. 

We didn’t feel terribly elated when the dress was purchased.  We were satisfied and glad to scratch it off the list. That was enough.  But when that acid free box with the cardboard form and the finger-wagging instructions came back from the City, it may as well have been an ancient, stone sarcophagus. 

So how was I irrational?  By affording the same devotion to a dress that the Ancients afforded to their royalty, am I guilty as charged.  I embalmed, entombed and enshrined a dress- one that I was pretty sure that we’d never use again.  I don’t think of myself as a hoarder, but the enshrining of this dress was a form of hoarding.  I’d carefully hidden this treasure in a safe spot, like a squirrel storing his nuts. I had an opportunity to lend the dress to a dear friend and I was so wrapped up in having had this damn thing preserved that I missed the opportunity to be a friend.  I’ve long regretted the decision to not share my nuts.  The friend’s daughter wore another dress and she was lovely in it. But she could have been lovely in ours. But instead, the cardboard tomb was sealed shut.  And it was taking up a good bit of space in the climate controlled, vermin-free closet.

The rodent has cause to store his nuts. I can think of no reasonable justification for my past behavior. “I’m worried I’ll come up short of deb dresses next winter.”  See what I mean.  I should have shared my nuts. I’ve finally come to my senses.  The dress is traveling again. This time, in-state.  And my hope is that another young woman will want this beautiful dress and make happy memories wearing it.  I want this dress to be part of another family’s tradition.    I can honestly say that in this case, losing feels good. 

From the Rules. “Mistakes happen.  Admit, learn and move on.” Quit beating yourself up but endeavor not to make the same mistake again. I’m practicing being rational.  Better late than never.

Decorated Decorator

                                   Rule Maker and Breaker

Despite knowing precious little about Billy Baldwin, the decorated 20th century decorator,  the little I do know, I love.  And I feel a deep vein connects me to him.  It was his quotes that hooked me-his rooms were secondary. I did look at a few of his projects just to be sure he wasn’t blowing smoke.  He wasn’t.

Until a friend gave me a little book, “Sweet Nothings” Notes, Quotes & Ruminations on Not Much, Billy Baldwin was only a name. It was in the big subject of ‘not much’ that I discovered that Billy’s Rules and my Rules are simpatico.

Here’s the quote that piqued my interest. “Nothing-at-all is better than second-best.  Never fill an empty space just to fill it. Second-best is expensive, while nothing costs nothing.” Amen.  I was hopeful that Baldwin and I would agree on other things. I was not disappointed.

“One of my favorite colors is no color at all.” Agreed.

“Lately I’ve been thinking how comfort is perhaps the ultimate luxury.” Yep.

“Stick to things you really love. An honest room is always up to date.”  True.

“I don’t think anyone has the right to possess anything he doesn’t love- art or anything else.”  Sounds right.

“The word that almost makes me throw up is satin.  Damask makes me throw up.” Hallelujah

I love his rules. Without even knowing that I knew them, they have always guided me.  Learning Baldwin’s decorating philosophy confirms that the principles used in feathering my nest are not just personal quirks. That our nest  will never be featured in any publication or showcased on any home tour matters not.  It’s a private nest for my flock- family and friends. It’s honest. It’s comfortable.  It’s home to things that we love.  It’s long on off-white- my favorite non-color.  It’s full of empty. And I assure you it’s devoid of satin and damask!

Baldwin is both a rule maker and a rule breaker. “The first rule of interior designing is that you can break almost all the rules.”

Mind you, this truth requires a general knowledge of the rules. How can you flout a rule if you don’t even know the rule exists? Amen again!  Rules make decisions easier.  Think of them as guardrails for imaginings gone amok. They'll keep “What was I thinking?” at bay.  What are the rules that guide you?  They don’t have to be Billy’s or mine. Define yours. Practice them.  And even break them.

Your best nest awaits!

Mise en Place

The French have many wonderful expressions that have made their way across the pond.   Mise en place is one of them. It’s a term every chef knows by heart- everything in place.  And even if you’re not inclined to the kitchen, well-planned cooking can be a metaphor for well-planned living. 

So how does culinary mise en place work?  First, read the recipe.  Next, assemble necessary ingredients, tools, and equipment.  After this, prep the ingredients- measure, chop, grate etc.  Then and only then, commence cooking.

You might be asking, “Isn’t this a lot of wasted time up front?”  You’re eager to turn up the heat, not to gather and prep.  But the time spent preparing to cook will make the cooking smoother and the finished dish better.  Who among us hasn’t finished a recipe and realized they’d left out the splash or smidgen of something.  At that point, it’s too late and all you can do is hope.  Hope is a decent drop-back strategy but makes for a lousy first line of defense.

So even if cooking isn’t your thing, mise en place is still a very useful technique for bettering your nest.  It works in the sock drawer and the desk drawer.  It’s at home behind closet and pantry doors. Papers, keys, and phone charger are all happy to submit to it.  And this humble technique can save the day by saving a few minutes here and there.  Those minutes add up to hours and hours become days.   So much for “wasted” up front time! 

Fewer frantic, fruitless searches save not only time, but sanity as well.  Most of us are happier and less stressed knowing where our things are.   The time spent preparing a home for your things will be repaid handsomely.  Time waits for no one.  The piper cometh! Pay me now or pay me later. You decide.   

Mise en place is really behavior management and when you manage your behavior, your time falls right into place.  Your things don’t have minds of their own. They are very amenable to living where you tell them to live.  Assign them a home and then remember their address. As with most real estate matters, it’s location, location, location.

Do you have too many things to provide a decent home for all of them?  Be honest. You know if you do.  And not even an engineer or professional organizer can make that work.  Your stuff has to have a bit of breathing room.  Things you use frequently need to be at the ready.  Things that play seasonal or occasional roles can be stored accordingly.   Put things where they make sense to you.

“Misorganization” (my word only) Noun. Put together in a way that misses the mark; wrongly organized. For example, when everything is in a place but the place is still unknown and inaccessible to things’ owner.  So mise en place is not just a place for everything but everything in the right place.

Magnifique!

Inverse Relationships

       "C'est le temps que tu as perdu pour ta rose qui fait ta rose si importante."  Le Petit Prince

An inverse relationship is one between two numbers in which an increase in the value of one number results in a decrease in the value of the other number. Value is an absolute, not a subjective description.

Examples from different fields and disciplines

Bond price and bond yield (Ask any economist.)

Volume and pressure (Ask Professor Boyles.)

Cost of the wedding and length of the marriage (Ask the Emory University economists.)

Kitchen bells and whistles and amount of cooking done (Don’t ask because I won’t tell.)

Ok. This last one is more my observation than a law of physics or economics.  But it’s more common than you’d think. When complimented on her fabulous professional kitchen, the owner breezily said. “Oh, I don’t cook. It’s just for resale.”

So maybe switch the inverse and have your possessions match the way you live, work and play. That would be a direct relationship.  And it would make much more sense than the inverse.  But what if you took it one step further and had the activity increase as the stuff decreased?  What if you turned the inverse on its head?

So much yoga, so few pants.  So many meals, so little equipment.  So many dinner parties, so little china.  So many outings, so few outfits.  So much fun, so few toys. You get the idea.  Less stuff. More living. 

Think of it as being the ultimate good steward of your things. Use them. Enjoy them. Care for them. Share them. The ones you love that are mostly moribund should be revived. If resuscitation fails, put them to rest. And the ones that you’ve always hated…off with their heads!

Fewer things, better things.  Limited choices, endless possibilities.

Anything but Average

The Rule- "Be as careful about what you let into your home as whom you let in."

Recently a snippet on NPR caught my ear. It was part of a bigger story on recycling falling short- how little of what can be recycled, is.  The bit that interested me was that in the Western Hemisphere, the average woman buys 67 items of clothing each year.  And on average, they are worn seven times before being discarded. A few days later, a story in The Economist caught my eye-“Green is the new black”. The gist of this article was that while style is supposed to last, the world of ‘fast fashion’ is giving style a run for its money.  What’s on the shop rack changes almost overnight and once we’ve brought it home, it doesn’t last long in our closet either -less than half as long as it did just fifteen years ago. If you’re only wearing it seven times, it’s a guest, not a resident.

So a friend with a curious mind and a willingness to be a guinea pig took my bait.  “Let’s keep track of what we buy and see if we are above or below average.  April Fool’s was launch day.  The sample size is small. The study is poorly designed.  And neither NPR nor The Economist will be interested in our results.  But that’s ok. Our interest in “stuff” is reason enough to proceed. 

As to the poor design- let me count the ways. A sample size of two. Co-mingling of subject and observer- not exactly the experimental gold standard. Cognitive biases a plenty: confirmation, social desirability, superiority, and expectation.  If these were not damning enough, throw in bandwagon and subject-expectancy effects and the experiment appears doomed. But not so fast!  It’s true that statisticians, social scientists and behavioral economists might be unimpressed, but fortunately, we don’t care a fig about the robustness or statistical significance of our study.  We’re just two inquiring minds wanting to know. 

So why am I telling you about this with only two of fifty-two weeks under our belts? The simple answer-to hold our feet to the fire. Public proclamation tends to do that. Anything but Average was easy to start, but might be hard to sustain, and even harder to finish.  The logging of purchases should be easy. It’s the buy/ don’t buy dilemma that may be hard.  And I imagine the chicken and egg conundrum will be the hardest part. Which came first- not buying because we want to appear better than average, or the belief we are better than average and seeking proof of said belief?

The list won’t lie- proudly below average (a bonafide ‘enoughist’) or humbly above average (a chastened tail-tucker)? It all depends on what we let in. Only time will tell.

The Wardrobe Reimagined

“Clothes do not exist to humiliate their owners.”  
-Tim Gunn

The Rule: FASHION IS FLEETING AND SHOULD BE LARGELY IGNORED. STYLE ENDURES.  Define yours.  It’s nothing more than confidence, clarity, and consistency, tempered with authenticity.

Having a wardrobe that works  isn’t as hard as we make it.  Thinking about the why of wardrobe before you dive into the what of wardrobe matters greatly. Here are a few thoughts to help you keep your emotions in check as you get your sartorial splendor on!

First, you’re not alone.  Most women have a jam-packed closet but say they have little to wear. The old 80/20 rule applies to clothes.  Most (80%) of the time, we wear a small (20%) portion of what we own. Rid your closet of items that don’t make you happy and confident.  Just because you paid a lot of money for it, or it was a gift from your mother-in-law, doesn’t mean you have to keep it.  Every time you see the item you are passing over, it’s a fresh dose of guilt.  Let it go.

Style and fashion are not the same. Fashion is fleeting.  Style endures. Style isn't what works on someone else, but what works on you.  Identify yours so that you’re not a slave to fashion whims.  Get help if you need it. A chic and candid friend can be a good bet, provided she doesn't secretly harbor schadenfreude over your wardrobe gaffes!  Otherwise,  a stylist or wardrobe consultant can make short order of the disorder in your closet.   Their reputation is at stake. They want you to look good and be confident in your appearance.  No mistakes on their watch!  

But past mistakes are just that- past. Learn from them.  Don’t beat yourself up over regrettable purchases, just don’t make that mistake again. Buy clothes that fit the real you- not the fantasy you.  Keep track of what you own.  Who really needs ten black sweaters?  Identify the holes in your wardrobe (both actual and metaphorical).  The actual holes should be repaired or the garment discarded.  The metaphorical holes should be filled so you have a wardrobe that is programmed for success.  

The clothing uniform is the gateway to the lifestyle uniform.  When you embrace a streamlined, simplified wardrobe, you might be encouraged to streamline and standardize other aspects of your life.  Streamlining doesn't mean boring or drab.  It means making lots of low-stakes  decisions automatic so you have the time, energy and emotional bandwidth to deal with weightier decisions in the best possible way. 

So how do you rid yourself of the mistakes- the stuff in your closet that seldom or never is invited out of the closet?   

The Closet Rehab Primer

Everything comes out of the closet and is sorted into one of four categories:

1.  The Soul-Stirring Pile: These are the clothes you adore.  They fit.  They make you look good. They make you feel good. 

2.  The Repair Pile:  These are the soul-stirrers that need a little attention- hems, buttons, and creases. Give yourself 5 days to either make the repairs or put them in the hands of a professional. Honestly, if you can’t find time to do it in 5 days, maybe the garment isn’t as soul-stirring as you thought.

3.  The Give Away Pile: These are your culls that can bring happiness to someone other than you.

4.  The Throw Away Pile: Your culls that won’t bring happiness to anyone.

Piles 3 and 4 are comprised of misfits, mistakes (no matter their cost or their provenance), and mysteries (items that for unknown reasons you simply never wear). Clothes that might be fashionable again, but that's a risk you can afford to take, should go in Pile 3. 

As with all the Rules, exceptions are permitted, even encouraged.  The pieces for posterity (Granny's rabbit fur capelet or kidskin opera gloves) certainly qualify.  Treat them kindly when they are being stored and do your best to find an occasion to let them shine.  And be certain the next generation knows why you love them so they can too.

Identity what makes you love the soul- stirrers. Fill the holes, mindful of your “look”. Buy fewer but better things. Favor timelessness over trendiness.  Don’t save the things you love just for special occasions.  Put them into your regular rotation and wear them with confidence and style. “I have no idea what to wear.”  “What was I thinking?”  Perish the thoughts!

Final truth.  “Fashion is designed to become unfashionable.”  Coco Chanel 

Traveling Light

I recently enjoyed a long weekend trip to southern California.  There would be no hiking, no gala, and no inclement weather, so my clothing needs were minimal.  It seemed like an excellent time to channel the Marys- Poppins and Fraulein- an unusual aim, but I hope to convince you of its merit.

So off I go, with my trusty tote as my only bag. I’d pared things to the bone- black pants, white shirt, grey sweater, pashmina, yoga clothes, some ‘smalls’, running shoes, essential toiletries (learn to like the ones the hotel provides), one book and one wee knitting project.  With what I was wearing, this seemed like a plenty.

 It was a tight fit, but the zipper zipped and off I went.

The flight was oversold. My boarding group number portended a gate- checked bag. While others were jostling and scrambling, I rested easy knowing that my bag would fit handily under the seat in front of me.  No baggage carousel.  No surcharge for the driver to toss luggage in the trunk.  And no bellhop hoping to relief me of my bag. Freed of the burden of too much, I enjoyed the luxury of enough.

As to Mary Poppins and Fraulein Maria, based on cinematic evidence, both had perfected the art of packing. Remember Mary Poppins floating over London rooftops with carpetbag in hand?  And who could forget Maria, tripping over the Alps with her carpetbag breezily floating behind.

My exemplars knew the delights of traveling light and had perfected the art of packing.  What can we learn from these governesses who specialized in making order out of chaos?  Quite a bit, actually.

First, they had not just everything they needed, but nothing they didn’t. When you have to tote your own bag, you think twice about just in case items.  Next, we learn that a uniform can be freeing, not constraining. If you’ve been toying with the idea of a wardrobe uniform, traveling is a good time to try it on in anonymity. Unless you’re famous or infamous, no one will remember or care if you’ve worn the same look the entire trip. If you’re not going to win the game of fashion, no matter how much you pack, sit that game out. Finally, you’ll find that careful packing means less to carry, less to accidentally leave behind, less to unpack, and less to launder.  Lots more less!

Traveling light doesn’t mean traveling bland.  There is almost always room for the parrot-headed umbrella, the guitar, or whatever it is that makes you, you. 

A good test of perfect packing is to be able to truthfully say, “I used everything in my bag and never needed anything I didn’t have.”  It’s not just clothing and toiletries that need careful vetting.  Learn to curb your ambitions while traveling.  How many books are you going to open, needlecraft projects complete, or drawings sketch? How many accouterments do you really need?  Honestly, not many. A little something to keep you occupied during the boring parts of travel is reasonable, but remember, you’re going on a trip to see someone or do something that you can’t see or do at home so don’t bring too much of home with you. It will be there when you return. Convinced?

 Perfection in packing … Ave Maria!

A Bunch of Pretty Things I Did Not Want

“It might be fair trade, organic leg warmers, but if your legs aren’t cold, it’s still a frivolous purchase.” Sarah Lazarovic , A Bunch of Pretty Things I Did Not Buy

In this charming and thoughtful book, the theme is restraint in consumption- learning how to say no when you know you don’t need it.  And who couldn’t use a bit of restraint?  But what if we took restraint a bit further?  What if “a bunch of pretty things I did not buy” became “a bunch of pretty things I did not want”?

Reframing versus Restraining

Restrain connotes privation- making do with a somewhat heavy heart. Self-righteous in our self-denial. Constrained. Reframe bespeaks liberation- sure-headed and light- hearted in our letting go.  Contented. 

Throughout the ages and across cultures, sages have laid bare the pernicious nature of unchecked desire.

Socrates in 4th Century BC Greece:  Seeing a pile of gold and jewelry being borne in procession through the streets of Athens, exclaimed, “Look how many things there are which I don’t want.”

Epictetus in 1st Century BC Greece: “ Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”

Rousseau in 18th Century France: “There are two ways to make a man richer: give him more money, or curb his desires." Paradoxically, the net effect of more money may be to impoverish, by fostering unlimited or unrealistic expectations; thus perpetuating permanent gaps between what we want and what we can afford.  Wealth is not an absolute. It is relative to desire. Every time we yearn for something we cannot afford, we grow poorer, whatever our resources. And every time we feel satisfied with what we have, we can be counted as rich, however little we may actually possess.

 Thoreau in 19th Century America:  “Man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can do without.” 

 Edwin Way Teale in 20th Century America:  “Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves."

The Buyerarchy of Needs was created with apologizes to Maslow.  With apologies to Lazarovic, I suggest one addition to the pyramid.  At the base, as the foundation on which successive layers rest, “ Look at how many things there are that I do not want.” 

Thanks Socrates and all the rest.

Make a Decision

 “Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision.  The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t decide. “ Anon

Decision-making is inherently difficult- more so for some than others.   Those who like to mull can find themselves mired in confusion over something as inconsequential as which brand of mustard or which shade of white paint to select. The insane range of possibilities only makes the problem worse.

  The Tyranny and Paradox of Choice

These concepts are not original to me but I have embraced them as foundational to Robin’s Rules. Their provenance is impressive.  The tyranny comes from The Economist and the paradox comes from Barry Schwartz’s, The Paradox of Choice.  The core problem is that when we are presented with too many choices, we begin to imagine that there is a “perfect” choice. Occasionally there is. But more often, perfect is only aspirational and our quest for it blinds us to the good or good enough that is right in front of us.

Hundreds of mustards, oils, and pickles on the grocery shelf don’t make the decision easier- they make it harder.  Picking a pickle becomes epic.  The hesitant shopper in the condiment aisle is on his phone asking for a lifeline.  “Do you want me to get the organic, the sugar free, the chunky, the coarse, the mild, the spicy, the glass jar, the squeeze bottle, the store brand, the American brand, the French brand, the buy one get one free…”  I kid you not.  Schwartz goes through a similar exercise with denim.  Jeans used to be zipper, button, straight or flair.  You’ve been to the jeans' purveyor and know that the condiments have nothing on the denim!

In recent years, behavioral researchers have unearthed some intriguing insights. Having no choice makes us unhappy and having too much choice does too. That no choice is a downer probably didn’t need social science experiments to determine. But that too much of a good thing is a bad thing, isn’t so obvious.  The paradox or tyranny of choice has been tested and validated repeatedly. In one landmark experiment, conducted in a swank California grocery, researchers displayed a sampling of jams.  First, they offered 24 tempting varieties. The next day the offering was culled to only six tempters. Shoppers who took part in the samplings were rewarded with a discount voucher to buy any jam of the same brand in the store. It turned out that more shoppers stopped at the display when there were 24 jams. But when it came to buying afterwards, fully 30% of those who stopped at the six-jam table went on to purchase a pot against merely 3% of those who were faced with the selection of 24.  Similar experiments have yielded consistent results. Choice exacts a high price- confusion, indecision, even panic. Goldilocks was lucky. With only three options, just right was the obvious choice. 

We’ve reached the point where the effort required to investigate and weigh all the options is wearing us out.  And as we fatigue with information overload, the burden of vetting the alternatives outweighs the benefit of the extra choices. Why are retailers slow to take notice? They seem hell-bent on more being better, even though this might be to no one’s advantage. What the seller wants to sell us is not necessarily what we want to buy.  As Schwartz reminds us, “Choice no longer liberates, but debilitates.” 

Remember the squirrel!

The Stockholm Syndrome Revisited

The Stockholm Syndrome, is the phenomenon in which victims display compassion for and even loyalty to their captors. It’s typically associated with dreadful things like kidnappings and abductions.  But it’s not too much of a stretch to apply it to our relationship with our possessions, where they are the captors and we, the unwitting victims.

Over time, we make excuses for our things and admit to being comforted by them. Once we own something, we place a higher value on it than we did when we acquired it- “the endowment effect”.  Put another way, once an item makes your team, it’s hard to cut it from your team.  All well and good if it’s something you need, use and love. But where things begin to unravel is when we afford this same loyalty and status to clutter, odds and ends and junk.

Blame evolution for this odd behavior.  Our ancestors lived with chronic scarcity and getting rid of anything was risky business. You might be left cold, hungry and naked.  In the affluent world, scarcity is at most an occasional worry. We’re warm, full and well-clad. Yet we’re hardwired to want more. In our overstuffed existence, it’s buying that’s risky business.  “Retail therapy” is not what the doctor ordered. That shopping has been medicalized, even tongue in cheek, should give us pause.

Behavioral economists have devised clever experiments that prove we are reluctant to let go of things even if we don’t need them or like them. We are more psychologically and emotionally saddened by letting go of something we don’t like than we were gladdened by acquiring it.

This might sound like a lot of nonsense, but the message is simple:  Be careful about what you acquire because it may end up owning you. Holding on to things you don’t like, want or need is one way of protecting yourself from the bad feelings letting go engenders. And it’s also the way to be awash in clutter.

You’ll know you’re in trouble when you start making excuses for your clutter.  Can you hear yourself saying, “It’s not that much stuff.  I might need this one day.  It was a gift from my mother.  I already have a lot of piles- one more won’t matter.”?  These are common symptoms of the Syndrome.

Has your home become a prison because of your sympathy for your inanimate captors?  Does your devotion to the 'mouse and the mall' cloud your better judgment ?  If so, the diagnosis may be the Stuff Syndrome.

You wouldn’t willingly welcome a stranger or a dangerous person into your home.  Exercise the same vigilance with things.                                                    

 “Losing feels worse than winning feels good.”

 Vin Scully was talking baseball, but the same is true for stuff. 

To the Doer Goes the Spoils

Road to Hell; proper noun

1. A route paved with good intentions

2. A repository of countless scorched soles

3. A thruway to be avoided owing to crowded conditions and heavy tolls

It’s a place many of us have trod, cursing our internal GPS for leading us astray.  To time wasted, soles singed and worthwhile laid bare as worthless.  As the road gets hotter and more serpentine, getting the hell out becomes more urgent.

How do you find a more pleasing byway?  By becoming a doer. Thinking is easy. Doing frequently isn’t.  But without follow through, intentions aren’t worth the time it takes to think them.  Intending to do something means not doing it, so don’t give yourself much credit just for thinking.

We don’t have to do everything we think.  Much of what we consider doing probably won’t be done and a goodly portion shouldn’t be done.  Imagined endeavors give us cover from the mundane but vital things we have to do.  Fantasy projects keep one foot in la la land, rather than on terra firma. Getting things done is hard.  It’s called working.  Not getting things done is easy.  It’s called loafing. 

                                                                       How To Get Things Done

First, appreciate that thinking (intentions) and doing (accomplishments), are related, but not as closely as we might wish.  Next, be willing to pull the plug on ideas that really should be circling the drain. When you realize that the thing you thought needed doing, really doesn’t, let it go. The road to crazy is paved with “If I think it I must do it.” Finally, remember that better is the enemy of the good.  Good is often good enough.

There are signposts indicating shaky ground. Heed them and course correct before it’s too late.

“I’ll get around to this soon …” is a first utterance.

“One of these days…” takes over when soon has long since past.

“When pigs fly…” indicates reality is setting in.

“Ok- Never.”  That’s it- the final pronouncement.  The good intention has put you in a bad place and you’re ready to admit your folly, cut your losses, and move on to something worth doing.

Never is not a failure.  Failure is continuing to make excuses or beat yourself up over something that you’ve realized doesn’t matter, or isn’t worth the time and energy required for completion.  Give yourself a pass on things you know are nevers.

I’m never going to organize my family’s pictures.  I mustered just enough will to have 1000 of the “best” (a dubious description) professionally scanned and saved to a disc and file.  The rest are in photo boxes, in rough chronological order.  There are no albums.  There are no collages.  And the thousands that hide in the computer are never going to be printed.  To do more with these photographic memories would be my personal Road to Hell.  What’s yours?  

                                                                   “Do or do not.  There is no try.”  Yoda

Surviving Abundance

“I have eaten a bumblebee and it’s under my shirt.” 

Whoa there.  Since when did abundance become a problem?  For much of history, man has been vigilant about conserving scarce resources. Surviving abundance is a weird 21st century twist on an ancient problem of surviving scarcity.  Our ancestors, living on the edge, couldn’t have fathomed the notion that we’d be struggling to get rid of excess stuff. 

About the only thing in short supply now is restraint.  We are overwhelmed by needless wants that only serve to increase our hassles and anxieties while decreasing our bank accounts.

Part of this is a naming problem. Abundance sounds pretty benign, maybe even desirable.  It connotes prosperity, safety, and well-being.  And if only we could recognize when enough is enough, abundance would be just fine.  But what we’re really dealing with is overabundance.  Excess. Surfeit.  Glut. Doesn’t sound so promising now, does it?

If you often feel like you’re drinking from a fire hose, you might be a victim of abundance gone amok.  Rather than being quenched, you’re drowning.  Too much comes in lots of packages- food, clothing, technology, gizmos, square footage and social media.

Once you’ve recovered from too much, how do you avoid being in survival mode again?  Flex your restraint muscles.  Practice saying no to frivolous purchases, no matter how alluring they may be.  Distinguish between needs (fundamental) and wants (fleeting).  Think before you do.

It’s easier to restrain than to recover.  Sips from the chalice of enough beat mopping up from the firehouse hose.

About that bumblebee?  This is a bastardization of the old saying, “I have eaten abundantly, any more would be an exert.” Until now, I assumed that others were privy to this expression that is delightful in both iterations.  But I find no mention of it anywhere, except in my family.  So this old saying, heretofore known only to the six grandchildren of Dorothy Arrington, can now be yours too.  

But be careful, lest you find yourself with a bumblebee under your shirt!

When All Is Said and Done

                                                             "Yesterday you said tomorrow." Anon

"When all is said and done..."  It’s a common expression. I’ve used it often and you probably have too.  What we seldom hear is the corollary to this phrase.  So try this on. "When all is said and done, more is said than done.”

That doesn’t trip off the tongue quite so easily. But it is frequently true.  And why is that?  One culprit is procrastination.  Procrastination isn’t a fairy godmother bestowing extra time.  It’s an insidious time thief.  And what’s a favorite way to procrastinate (aka waste a lot of time)?  The offender is often technology. Technology, in all its forms, can be a time saver but it’s often a time sink, especially for the tech challenged.   

                                                                              Time Sinkers

                                     Bloating your inbox by checking email rather than dealing with it

                             Cluttering your desktop with pdfs and documents for want of file folders

                                     Clicking remind me tomorrow (or never) for the software update

                                Knowing it’s in there somewhere but not having any idea how to find it

If you are feeling good about your computer skills because you can cut and paste or do a screen shot (I speak personally here), you might want some coaching.  Otherwise, the digital world will leave you behind in a cloud of bits and bytes.

Don’t despair.  A bilingual digital native-fluent in English and tech talk, can throw you a lifeline. For those who are at best, conversational in tech speak- the linguistic equivalent of being able to order café au lait and croissants in France, help can be helpful. A tech tutor can save you from yourself when you know a bit but it’s often just enough to get yourself into trouble.

Relying on children to bail us out when we make a colossal mess of things isn’t a strategy for success.  They might rescue us in a pinch, but learning how not to make the mess in the first place is a better long-term plan.  Find a teacher who can meet you where your messes begin, explaining things in a way that won’t make you feel like the village idiot.  A good teacher can  translate tech talk into plain English, allowing your skimpy language skills to morph into proficiency and maybe even fluency!

Don’t let your devices steal your time.  Don’t fall prey to the notion that you’re getting things done when in truth all you’re doing is shuffling electronic piles- the 21st century equivalent of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.  Largely a waste of time!

Stop procrastinating. Be able to say,  “When all is said and done, more was done than said.” 

Gifts, Wrapped and Given

Robin’s Rules Of Order helps me keep my nest tidy so it’s not surprising that in gift-wrapping, as in most things, I have a uniform. Brown paper packages tied up with strings- a favorite thing!  Craft paper is inexpensive, adaptable and surprisingly chic.  Twine ties things up and attaches the plain merchandise hangtags in a practical but spiffy way.  Unadorned craft paper gift bags and white tissue paper round out my stash. I don’t need a “wrapping center”- a small box does the trick. And the supplies are easily found at office supply and craft stores.  Borrow my uniform if you like or find one that suits you better.  Just keep it simple.

So the wrapping part is simplified but that still begs the question- what to give?  It’s harder to standardize gift purchases as you might other things in your life, especially if your purpose in giving the gift is to please the recipient, not just scratch it off your list.  

But what to buy doesn’t have to be an epic decision.  If it’s a wedding gift, unless you know the couple intimately, stick to their registry. Choosing your gift early insures the best selection. Sending the couple’s first gift is something that pleases me greatly.  Enclosing an engraved calling card is another.  Old fashioned? Certainly.  But is that so bad?

Baby gifts are another delight.  I knit and my favorite projects are small ones.  I’ve yet to find a mother-to-be who doesn’t love a wee sweater or tiny hat.  Seeing it take shape is so much more satisfying than hauling to the mall and being overwhelmed by the mountain of choices. Make no mistake.  Engraved enclosures and hand knits are not for everyone.  But everyone can find a few reliable choices that take much of the guesswork and angst out of giving.  Tried and true can take many routes. 

A route that you should consider is Bonnie & Bud. http://www.bonnieandbud.com/

Their gift boxes guarantee that “scratching it off the list” was not your modus operandi!  And a box from Bonnie & Bud will make the person who thinks they have everything, realize they were wrong. Thoughtfully selected gifts. Beautifully boxed.  Carefully delivered.   That would be enough but it just scratches the surface.  Organic, locally sourced, cottage industry, small batch- these are all descriptors of what makes Bonnie & Bud’s selections noteworthy.  The handmade wooden box is a gift in itself.  But if you need something for the person who really does have everything, Bonnie & Bud can create a consumable gift.  It will be enjoyed twice-once in its consumption and again, in the fact that it’s gone- all except that fabulous box! 

There couldn’t be much simpler or lovelier that choosing a Bonnie & Bud gift. Those who put the boxes together are masters of taste and style.  Boxes can be customized but the options that they’ve created -baby, new house, love, holiday, just because… are anything but standard. Add a handwritten note of congratulations and salutations and your gift is complete.

Bonnie & Bud’s newest selection is Peace and Simplicity.  The handmade box is filled with consumable treats and a signed copy of Robin’s Rules of Order.  Hopefully the treats will be devoured and the book, savored.

One last thought on giving. When the gift is for a specific occasion, be sure it arrives on time.  Belated gifts always come with a little unnecessary baggage. You know you’re going to buy the gift eventually.  Sooner is always better than outright late. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays are common triggers for gift giving, but some of the best gifts come at unexpected times and for reasons known only to giver and receiver.  Spontaneous giving delights both.  Try it!

The Language of Simple

Simplistic. Mistake seventeen in the Top 20 Word Misuses by Steven Pinker, renowned (not renouned!) Harvard linguist.  Simplistic means "naively or overly simple." It does not mean "simple" or "pleasingly simple." 

Appreciating the difference between overly simple and pleasingly simple is a good idea when it comes to building your nest.  Simple is a laudable goal while simplistic may be a rabbit hole.

I’ve come very close to falling down a rabbit hole. I love order and have a less is more default. But caution must be exercised lest we allow simplistic to masquerade as simple. Simplistic is too little of a good thing- naïve and inadequate.

Minimalism is my rabbit hole. It is fashionable and I have fancied myself a disciple but I’ve had a nagging feeling that minimalism is too simplistic. It’s hot, but it leaves me lukewarm. In pondering why I’ve never taken the bait on things like the spending detox or the challenge to only own x items of clothing, I realized that it’s enoughism, not minimalism that excites me. Believing I’d coined a new term, imagine my disappointment when Google found this for me in a trice. 

Enoughism:  (Noun) It is the theory that there is a point where consumers possess everything they need, and buying more would actually make them worse off. It emphasizes less spending and more buying restraint. It is the antonym for consumerism. 

I think of enough as being the fulcrum between too little and too much.  It’s where I feel grounded and stable. It’s the pivot point that allows me to sometimes tip toward more and frequently tip toward less.  It’s the place where simple, triumphs. 

Not wanting our Random House Unabridged Dictionary, Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary, and The American Heritage College Dictionary to feel spurned, I looked up (the antecedent of Googling) Enough: "Adequate for the want or need. Sufficient. Fully."  No mention of enoughism. 

But in truth, these dictionaries are a ready example of enoughism. “Why own even one if you have a computer?” you ask.  They’re just an anachronism.  Dusty space-gobblers. Maybe for some, but for me, they are enough.  The dog-eared paperback dictionaries with broken spines have been discarded.  But these three stalwarts remain. I know where they came from.  I know where they live. And even though I embrace Google, not having these sturdy companions would diminish, not enrich the nest I share.

The Oppressive Gospel of ‘Minimalism’  in the New York Times Magazine, July 2016 by Kyle Chayka, confirmed my dis-ease with minimalism.  The story was an eye-opener-worth a read in its entirety, but here’s the short version. 

The new minimalist lifestyle always seems to end in enabling new modes of consumption, a veritable excess of less. It’s not really minimal at all.  To wealthy practitioners, minimalism is now little more than a slightly intriguing perversion, like drinking at breakfast.  Minimalism telegraphs elitism.  The richer one is, the less one has.  But with a carefully edited life, having only the right things is crucial.  The wrong stuff is a minimalist buzzkill. Being a minimalist takes lots of resources- time, money, social standing, confidence and a speedy internet connection. 

If minimalism is oppressive, and consumerism is burdensome, maybe enoughism is our ticket to liberation. Enough is enough.

If a devotee of minimalism is a minimalist, then I’m an enoughist. I don’t see this word in any dictionary, so I’m making it my own. I wish it rolled off the tongue more easily, so if a better word comes along, I’ll adopt it.

                                                  “Make everything as simple as possible but not one bit simpler.”

 Albert Einstein believed in the beauty of simple.  And part of that beauty is the knowledge that enough is quite a plenty.

A Tale of Two Threes

Expensive to Worthless: The First of Two Threes

“Things have a way of going from expensive to worthless pretty quickly.” That was my husband’s innocent observation that got me thinking.

He was helping me store a bolt of Belgian linen leftover from reupholstering chairs. And expensive it was.  The estimate of the necessary yardage clearly over shot the mark.  So the extra, which I’d yet to use, was taking up space, growing old and dusty, and would likely die a slow death. Possibly I’d find a use for it, but if I did, it would mean spending more time and money on something just to assuage guilt. That's the sad tale of how imported linen went from expensive to worthless in the space of a few weeks as the result of haphazard planning.

I thought the designer glasses an acquaintance wore were adorable.  Mind you, she’s 25 years my junior and would have been seriously adorable without them, but they seemed like a good idea.  Wrong, on so many levels!  I am lucky to only need reading glasses so from a functional standpoint, any dime store variety does the trick.  Since I don’t wear them all the time, I’ve found the best storage place is on the top of my head where their cuteness is largely wasted. The three for $10 readers I buy at the dime (now dollar) store stay put pretty well.  The one for $300 from the optical store didn’t fare so well.  That pair went missing.  I was sure it would turn up soon.  And I was right. I found them crushed beyond repair in the gravel driveway. I’ll not soon forget that I have a dime store head.  My expensive to worthless purchase was the result of fanciful thinking.

Our Apple TV, DVR, and other mysterious devices reside behind a closet door, out of sight and out of mind- or at least the former. But when the door is opened, I’m reminded of these things we bought and paid to have connected, and yet have never once used.  There are some 3-D glasses too that have some relation to the ‘smart’ TV, but we’re not smart enough to know or dumb enough to care.  Our skilled installer knew how to make all this stuff work and even created a cheat sheet on how and when to use each of the four remotes. He was so steeped in his area of expertise that he couldn’t fathom someone not wanting an Apple TV or such. Rather than trusting ourselves, we let the audio/video pro drive the decision. This expensive to worthless exercise was the result of relying too heavily on the expert.

So what are the lessons?  Beware of imprecise planning, fanciful thinking, and over-reliance on professionals. Banish unnecessary guilt. Trust yourself. And, be very careful about what you buy because once something makes the team, it's painful to cut it from the team.  “Expensive to worthless” mistakes go a long way toward explaining why our wallets are so thin and our houses are so cluttered.

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Priceless: The Second Three 

Diamonds, set proud of the band, have been desired for centuries. Many are quite beautiful, but none do I remotely desire. I prefer a simple diamond band that can be worn for farm work and yoga.  One I don’t have to fret will attract attention if I’m in a shady situation. That’s what I wanted years ago and it’s still what I want. And lucky me, it’s what I have.  I knew my mind.  I felt confident enough to keep the currents of conformity and style from setting me adrift. Moving with the masses isn’t inherently bad or spineless.  Just be sure you want to be in that scrum.  If not, step aside and do it your way.

Our car sans sunroof is the flip side of the audio/video mistake. Previous cars came with a sunroof as part of the package that benefits the car dealer but frequently not the consumer.  And in many years of ownership of these previous cars, the sunroof was only opened once- when the salesman was showing off all the great features we’d surely love.  Apparently we don’t love sunroofs.  What we do love is a car roof that will never spring a leak and having one less gadget to malfunction.

A charm bracelet comprised of foreign coins in different shapes, sizes and metals is one of my favorite things.  It brings back happy memories of visits to distant places, many seen before the Euro became a common currency. The jangling change was put aside when we returned from trips and largely forgotten.  But seeing an ad for a pricy coin bracelet reminded me of the trove I had and inspired me to make something of it.  A friend with a drill press made holes in each coin.  A jewelry maker sold me the fixing and a helpful husband with steady hands helped with construction. I love the way it looks and feels. It has a cheerful jingle.  I love that my daughter and daughter-in-law wanted one too and we had coins aplenty for theirs.  It’s an earthier, more casual version of the classic gold charm bracelet.  And I think it’s aptly named- charming. Taking something that was practically worthless- mostly obsolete coins and giving them a new lease on life- priceless.

What are the lessons here?  If you don’t like where the herd is going, you’d better not follow.  Features you don’t like or need are more aptly called ‘mistakes’. Know your mind.  Less can be more.  Just because something isn’t fit for the purpose it was originally intended, doesn’t mean it is useless. It can in fact, be not just useful but beautiful.

Mindfulness with your possessions ensures that the “priceless” parts of your life will greatly outnumber the “expensive to worthless” ones.  In short, think before you do.

Perfection...

"Small dwellings discipline the mind, large ones weaken it." Da Vinci
 

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Built in the 1920s, The Georgian Apartments blended harmoniously with the single-family homes on Queens Road in Charlotte.  The French Colonial style building sat well on the tree-lined lot. Why a French Colonial with large verandas and beautiful ironwork was called The Georgian is an oddity that only serves to make the building more charming. But through the years, The Georgian grew tired while its neighbors grew ever grander.  The building was saved from the wrecking ball (a common fate in nice old neighborhoods) because of the vision of one developer who knew, maybe only subconsciously, that Da Vinci was right.  Small dwellings discipline the mind and large ones weaken it.

The Georgian was up-fitted and buffed and sold as eight condominium units.  My friend owns one of them- 1100 square feet on the second floor- a jewel box of a home.  It wasn’t too many generations ago that 1100 square feet for two people would have been called spacious.  But now, outside a few impossibly expensive cities, that’s not considered much space. 

But to my way of thinking, 1100 nearly perfect square feet are much more desirable than quadruple that amount filled with mistakes.  When space is constrained, the mind is not only disciplined but also expanded. Outside the box thinking yields clever solutions.  Attention to tiny details makes small, smashing.  And that’s exactly what my friend did with the help of a decorator who also happens to be her good friend.

There was no adding on. The footprint was fixed.  Few walls could be moved and mechanical chases had to be respected.  The restraints inherent in this renovation made things easier, not harder.  The choices were limited so each could be thoughtfully considered.  A second bedroom became a den with a comfortable pullout sofa for the occasional guest. The former occupant of that room had grown up and was now a budding decorator in New York.  And she confessed to her mother that she liked the new room better than the old one.  She was ok with her bedroom not being maintained as a shrine to her teenage years!  A fabulous little bathroom fit in a closet to make an ensuite, a lovely French term we’ve all learned from HGTV.

The kitchen was redone from bow to stern.  And the shipshape analogy is apt, as this kitchen is smaller than most would consider functional. But some of the nicest dinner parties I’ve ever attended have been prepared and served from that kitchen.  Everything has a place.  Everything is used.  That’s part of the discipline that small dwellings engender.

The owner has beautiful things. It’s an eclectic assortment, but with her willingness to experiment and her decorator’s well-trained eye, things as seemingly incompatible as a Lucite dining table and a Chippendale corner cabinet live in perfect harmony.  A few new things were purchased when the condo was redone, but for the most part, the owner used what she already had but in different ways.

Antoine de St. Exupéry said, “Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to take away.”  By his definition, my friend’s home is perfect. 

So consider making the most of what you have without falling prey to the 'bigger is better' mindset. Have a disciplined mind rather than a weakened one.  Let’s not argue with Da Vinci.

The Clutter Continuum-Where Do You Fall?

A continuum is continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other, although the extremes are quite distinct.  A normal distribution along a continuum has a middle that is more heavily populated than either end. This creates the well-known bell shaped curve.

At one end of the clutter continuum is the person who puts her newspaper in the recycling bin as soon as she has finished reading it (which is before most of her neighbors have climbed out of bed).  And it is more neatly folded and better organized than when it was delivered.  At the other end, is the woman who says, “I’m not a hoarder. We’ve never found a dead animal in the house.”

‘Quite distinct’ is an understatement! One end sounds pathologically compulsive.  The other end suggests damning oneself with faint praise. But the extremes tell only a small part of the clutter continuum story. It’s between the margins, where the descriptions may be less colorful, that most of us fall.

Clutter really needs no definition.  It’s like a Supreme Court justice famously said about pornography, “I know it when I see it.”  But if you want a definition, Barbara Hemphill’s is a good one. “Clutter is decisions postponed.”

But with clutter, it’s less the what than the why that bears examination. There are myriad reasons that we have so many possessions that bring us so little enjoyment or utility. Indecisiveness may be a leading suspect but decisions-poorly-made is undoubtedly an accomplice.

How might missing the mark on decision-making manifest?
Self inflicted clutter. The decision not to buy was ignored.
Guilty clutter.  The decision to admit, “I made a mistake” is squelched.
Inherited clutter.  The decision that you don’t want Granny’s china is not confessed.
Aspirational clutter. The decision to know your own mind is trumped by keeping up appearances.

Whether family china, a convention swag bag, or an ill-conceived purchase, it’s clutter just the same.  If you don’t use it, love (or at least like) it, and have space for it to be properly stored, it’s clutter.  Remember, knowing what clutter is, is easy. Understanding why you allow it to be an unwelcomed housemate is the hard part.

No matter where you are on the clutter continuum, the Rules help answer why. And once you know why, putting clutter where it belongs is pretty straightforward. Options abound, but in short, it’s someplace other than with you.

A truth. Letting go of things feels worse than acquiring them felt good.  Remember that and you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache, money and clutter!