I'm Paying

Who knows what I’m supposed to be paying attention to. It’s funny that the ATTENTION directive is in English and the presumably important information is in Japanese. Are the attractive characters telling me to avoid bleach and a hot dryer or something more esoteric and ominous? It’s hard to imagine what that might be, so I’m going with no bleach, no hot dryer and filing this under “Noise”, not “Signal”.

Why am I telling you about this trifle? It has to do with my devotion to the notion that if you buy the best, you’ll only weep once. I should say, shaky devotion. Unless there is a statute of limitations on “once” that defies the dictionary definition, I’m on thin ice.

I now have two, rather expensive, imported chambray shirts- a new one and one ten years old. The ten-year-ago shirt was justified under the buy the best and weep once philosophy. Ten years is a pretty good run in the world of clothing, but before I let myself off the hook, I need to twist a bit. That’s what my writings ask of you, so it seems only fair.

There is nothing irredeemably wrong with the original. It’s a nuisance because it has to be ironed or the sleeves look like accordions. Twisting… I’m just sick of this shirt. The new one won’t serve any purpose that the old one didn’t. They both fit. They can’t both be worn at once. I think they both are “me”. The truth is, I just wanted it. I didn’t need it. And I’m clear about the difference. Maybe “once” can have a SOL. Just don’t get carried away.

Pay attention.

DODGE

From: the Department of Dubious Genuine Effectiveness

To: Readers of Rules

Re: One Trick Pony

Fewer, better things.  Needs and wants are not the same. Subtraction, not addition is often the answer. “What if I waited?” is a good question. If everything is precious, then nothing is. Style and fashion are miles apart. Trendy is the last stop on the way to tacky.  Yada, yada.

Enough rather than More is a tough sell. Maybe a chorister or two has been swayed but more likely, my conversion rate is zero. Endless repetition, with the only difference being the fodder du jour, feels like crying in the wilderness. More is in our DNA. And whatever wiggle room Nature left has been filled to overflowing by social media and “add to bag” behemoths. 

Earth Day just turned 50.  Experts suggest embracing a broader lifestyle shift that moves away from unnecessary consumption.  “Take a moment to reflect on what a good life within planetary limits look like,” said Diana Ivanova, an environmental social scientist at the University of Leeds in England. “What does ‘enoughness’ look and feel like?”

Good question.

Probably not a Trader Joe’s branded mini canvas tote bag that you’ve waited in line for hours to snag.

Probably not a $2,000 bedroompalooza with balloons, streamers, and school-branded merch to celebrate a college acceptance letter.

Probably not a closet that is “so much more than just a place to store things- the closet is a reflection of who we are- the nexus of our tastes and desires as well as the a collection of the things we hold most dear.”

Probably not “Lavish old-money consumption, like buying furs, is part of what trend forecasters call the ‘boom boom aesthetic’.”

This pony is going out to pasture for a bit, so until we meet again, figure out what enough looks like for you. If your feedbag is full of oats, count yourself lucky.

"Free" For All

I had a hard time with this one- after solving it. Decal, Bottle, Tote, Shirt, Pencil, Lanyard, Notebook. What, no beer koozie! Take a look around at your accumulated SWAG. Remember, free can be costly, lest you be left holding the bag.

Bye Buy

February 28, 2025. Talk about it. Post it.

Guess that’s what I’m doing, but the economic blackout that I favor is not the token one day no-shopping gimmick that the People’s Union USA is championing. The one day moratorium “to demonstrate our collective financial power” is unlikely to press corporations to behave more responsibly.

John T. Shea, founder and CEO of Momentum Commerce, notes that the real impact depends on whether consumers cancel planned purchases entirely or simply delay them for a few days. "Deferred purchases, not canceled ones, may drive the pattern, so smart brands are already planning March 1 promotions designed to capture missed sales on 2/28.

I’m a lot more interested in consumers demonstrating our collective willpower. What if you waited- not just until March 1? What if you admitted you didn’t need it? What if you decided you didn’t even want it? That will get the attention of big corporations and small operators.

Everything is 100% off if you never put it in your cart. Bye buy! A practice, not a gimmick.

What Will You Have?

From The NY Times

What Will You Have?

Dear Diary:

It was lunchtime in Midtown, and the deli counter line snaked its way along a refrigerated unit filled with cheeses, salamis and tomatoes.

It was all new to me, a recent arrival from Ireland. Finally, it was my turn to order.

“Yeah?” the counterman said.

“Do you have whole wheat?” I asked.

The counterman furrowed his brow and nodded.

“Do you have Cheddar?”

“Yes.”

“Do you … ”

I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Turning around, I saw a short, older man wearing a pork pie hat and a bow tie and peering at me though his glasses.

“Stop asking questions,” he said. “Tell him what you want.”

Life is full of choices. I’ll have tuna on a toasted sesame bagel. Decide; what will you have?

Luxury's Death Spiral

This 2006 cartoon needs some updating for 2025. “Everyone needs pretend nice things to get sick of.” Or “Everyone needs nice things to fall apart before they have time to get sick of them.“

From a December 2024 column in the NY Times-what once served as semiotic shorthand for the good life has gone haywire. In recent years, luxury of all kinds has become obscenely, disgracefully, inconceivably costly. What’s worse? As costs climb, quality hasn’t. In fact, it’s largely declined.

I’d change “costs” to “prices” Prices are what the consumer pays. And they are way up. Costs are what the purveyor spends to make the “good”. And they’re not necessarily up. For example: the $2,816 Christian Dior bags that were made in an Italian sweatshop for around $57. Now that’s a handsome profit.

You might think the Times columnist was a grumpy economist poking holes in the Veblen goods principle. But you’d be wrong. Katharine Zarrella ia a longtime fashion editor, who is publically betraying her industry. “These hoity-toity brands, which cheapened their essence and eviscerated their desirability with down-market celebrity partnerships, licensing deals and influencer advertising, have no one to blame but themselves.”

So much for the Veblen principle that higher prices for luxury goods don’t dampen sales but boost them. Nothing says luxury like some subpar, overpriced. superfakes at the outlet mall.

Don’t be duped by “bad” goods.

Happy Holidays

Which holiday? A question prompted by this picture, taken on the shortest, darkest day of 2024. The main perpetrator of commercial holiday creep has gotten its comeuppance. Leprechauns and bunnies won’t be far behind.

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “Doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!” The Grinch

Works Beautifully

“The beautiful is as useful as the useful. Perhaps more so.“ Victor Hugo

The blue-handled scissors have been useful for a long time. They were purchased for a second grader’s school supply box; the second grader is now 38. These old snippers are dull from use and misuse. Except when in use, they’ve lived in a desk drawer. Beautiful, they are not. The box cutter isn’t much to look at either so it’s hidden in another drawer. It’s old and tired- literally has a permanently loose screw.

The little doodad on the top of the handle of the new pair is a built-in box cutter. It looks like a raised eyebrow reminding you that this scissor sentinel has your paper-cutting and cardboard-opening needs covered. Clever, sleek, and smart. Don’t even think about having these live in your junk drawer.

Beautiful? Yes. Useful? Yes. Hugo would be amazed.

Buy the Best (Banana)

The bidding was fast and farcical. The artist and the auction house are laughing. I wonder if the top bidder has any regrets about his $6.2 million banana. It’s probably not even organic- bought from a street vendor for 35 cents. And it looks like it’s well on its way to becoming banana bread.

According the erudite curator, “The artist’s intention is what turns the ordinary into the extraordinary,” I suspect the artist’s intention was to laugh all the way to the bank. The purchaser’s intention was probably a moment of fame.

We’ve lost our minds.“Buy the best and you only weep once.” Plan on one very long weep. It’s not even enough to make banana bread.

Last Rites

The plug has been pulled. I’ve written about this machine several times over the years. It’s been ill, gravely ill, near death and miraculously revived more times than I can remember. Until this last time, hold ‘em trumped fold ‘em. But the machine and I were both worn out. This faithful workhorse reminded me that we’d agreed the next time it coded, the DNR was to be honored. I know- that’s some sketchy personification. I can’t say the burial was green, but at least the machine is not going to be poked and prodded any longer. R.I.P.

As the Count says in A Gentleman in Moscow, “If patience wasn’t so easily tested, then it would hardly be a virtue. . . ”. We all have our limits. Mine has been reached.

A Funnel Cake Macchiato?

“A funnel cake macchiato? Coffee makers are in a battle for who can come up with the craziest, calorie-laden, not-really-coffee drink. “ A teaser from the NY Times.

So TikTok confirms the answer is, “Yes.” And “No.” I don’t want to Log In or Explore or Follow. I know I’m stretching this coffee theme a bit thin so with this hat trick, I’ll find something else to wonder about. It shouldn’t be hard.

Unlabored

The Coffee Chaos story struck a nerve. J.P. and Kenneth had their say after reading about Starbuck’s menu complexity troubles with amusement. From J.P., “I like a morning coffee ritual that isn’t so complicated that I need a coffee before I order one. “ He sometimes goes out for coffee but no longer to Starbucks. And Kenneth opined, “ One person’s multivariable treat (double-upside-down half-caf venti oat milk latte with whip and room) sparks the next customer’s commitment never to return.” His excellent suggestion: a dedicated line for customers who can place their entire order in four words or fewer. Sort of like TSA Precheck for coffee.

How about 2 words. Caffè crema. As Kenneth says, “ The best product is usually the simplest.”

Purveyor of More

Here’s the executive summary of the column- too many possibilities are a problem. It’s the paradox of choice. No choice is bad; too much choice is bad. Finding the sweet spot is the goal. When the purveyor doesn’t narrow it down for you (Starbucks claims there are more than 170,000 possible drink combinations available) you’re on your own. More is unnecessarily complicated… “tall venti grande double-pump, one to four shots of expresso, half-caf, oat milk, nonfat milk, soy milk, milk milk, whipped cream, syrup, brown sugar, white sugar, no sugar and mocha drizzle, from the pike position with two and a half twists.“ Phew.

It’s choice and customization versus the attendant complexity. But it’s not just Starbucks. It’s Levis. It’s mustards. It’s paint colors. It’s almost everything. And the internet feeds this complexity.

Faced with way too many options, a couple of things can happen. You go deep down the rabbit hole or you throw up your hands and say, “Whatever.” Neither of these is optimal. Since companies don’t have boundaries anymore, you’ll have to find the sweet spot on your own. It’s called enough.

Voilà Indeed

I had some notion that Wirecutter was the NYTimes site for dispensing advice on what to buy and how to do things. But this cartoon-like hack sent me to Google just to confirm. What follows is the first thing that popped up. I admit to confirmation bias and thus, looked no further.

“The Wirecutter model is to take what Consumer Reports used to do and eliminate all the hard parts like actually learning the science behind the product, performing serious long-term evaluations, and building funky stress testing machines. (And the big one, not accepting advertiser dollars.) What's left? Some underqualified millenials doing a bunch of Googling, buying some products off Amazon, chatting about them on a Slack thread, and then summarizing all the anecdata using no fewer than 10000 referral-generating words. Suffice it to say I find their recommendations basically useless.”

Even preschoolers know that stuff lives in designated zones and when those zones are violated, voilà- clutter. If the concept of sorting like items and using zones for specific purposes is news…we’re in even more trouble than I thought.

Sidebar: Disparaging Wirecutter for Googling when that’s exactly what I’ve done is classic “pot calling the kettle black”. And there you have it.

Love In A Bottle

Important news for anyone who just woke from a very long sleep- “Social media can determine the life span of a product’s popularity.” The rage, the trend, the latest must-have from your favorite influencer… buyer beware. It won’t be long before you’re off trend in the land of must-have hydration accessories. Here’s the actuarial life table for trendy water bottles.

Nalgene- 30 years. Camelbak- 5 years. S’wells- 4 years. Hydro Flask- 2 years. Yeti-2 years. Simple Modern- 1 year. Stanley- 2years. Owala ???, but my money’s on < 2.

Needless consumerism filling a void at warp speed isn’t all bad. At least it’s propping up GDP.

Micro-Aggression

And tiny…

The micro-inseam is trending according to a full page article in a newspaper of record. It is hard to fill an entire section with things that bespeak style, so trend is the fallback. TREND seems a more appropriate name for this weekly section but the Times has rebuffed my suggestion.

“The 5 inch shorts are the male version of cleavage.” Their popularity is thanks in large measure to “young women swooning over then on social media… As people seek style inspiration from an array of newsletters, social media influencers, glossy magazines and other cultural authorities, there is no universal idea about what is right or wrong to wear.” Too bad.

"Trendy is the last stage before tacky." I’ve quoted Karl Lagerfield so many times that I should be paying royalties.

From Hypocrisy (Laid Bare) Press

In 1200 hypocrisy entered the English language as “the sin of pretending to virtue or goodness". In 2024 hypocrisy has gotten a revised definition…”the-so-common-as-to-no-longer-be-considered-sinful advocating of behaviors that one does not practice.”

As they say, “Whatever… it is what it is.” So, what is it? At best, humorous. At worst, damning.

Declaration of Subtraction

Does your house look like Atlanta Hartsfield or Cape Cod Gateway?  Packed to the gills or plenty of breathing room? If more Atlanta-like than Hyannis-like, you’ve got a dependence problem. The story accompanying this photo offered a measured way of determining how much wiggle room you should allow before a flight. It struck me that similar additions and subtractions from a baseline could be applied to managing how much stuff we own. And so much of stuff is about the math. Will it fit? Can I afford it?

You do the math. Begin with…

EVERYTHING I OWN. Subtract Everything I Like And Use. This leaves Problem Possessions. You might ask yourself why you bought so much trouble and what’s to be done about it. PROBLEM POSSESSIONS minus My Entirely Regrettable Mistakes which should be immediate goners, and you’re left with Thornier Problems. More math. THORNIER PROBLEMS minus The Things That Are Serving A Purpose That Is Fluid Or Short Lived (maybe a new puppy, a new baby, a new figure, a planned move or home renovation). These too will be goners as soon as practical and you’re left with Stuff Worth Further Consideration. Alas, more math. STUFF WORTH FURTHER CONSIDERATION  less On Second Thought, I Don't Need Or Want To Replace This. Gone! What remains is STUFF I’VE CONSIDERED AND WOULD LIKE TO REPLACE. BUT CAN I AFFORD TO? Yep…math.

What’s your replacement budget? Be brutally honest. Now it’s time for addition. What’s The Cost Of The Stuff I Want To Replace? Replacement budget greater than than replacement costs…Happy. Replacement costs greater than replacement budget… Heartache.

Even if you’ve got a Happy Budget, remember, a few hours in the Atlanta airport is tolerable but you probably wouldn’t want to live there. If your pocketbook screams Heartache, sort your wishlist. First Class, Coach, and Standby. Replace accordingly.

Independence declared!

Subtraction

It’s conventional wisdom that our core beliefs and values are innate, or at least so deeply ingrained as to be immutable. You know the old adage- “A leopard can’t change his spots. “

Well… I’ve long hewed to the mantra, coined by St.-Exupéry, “Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing more to take away.” I’ve gotten a lot of push back on the futility of even attempting perfection, but I’ve been undeterred. I liked my mantra. But William of Ockham (of Razor fame) has changed my spotty mantra. “It is in vain to do with more, what can be done with less.” Don’t complicate things unnecessarily. Prune. Edit. Subtract.

Subtraction is the action that makes more of less. Often the best solution in engineering, architecture, cooking, writing, decorating, and dressing, is found by remembering - rather than +.

Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less explains why we too often ignore subtraction as a way to make things better. Whether building a silly matchbook bridge or a serious strategic plan, our minds default to more. and this blind spot can be costly. Subtraction is your secret weapon. Not perfect, but good enough.

Aside: The official hobby of collecting matchbooks is called phillumeny, a combination of the Greek phil (loving) and Latin lumen (light), and it's alive and well on Instagram. The hashtag #phillumenist has 12,755 followers. I’m a formerly closeted phillumenist but you’ll not see my collection on Instagram. I don’t expect that spot will change.